August 6, 2017

six


Who would he have been at One, two, three, four, five, six?

What color would his eyes be, his hair, the sound of his voice, his laugh, what would his
favorite book be, song, movie, superhero, what would his relationship be like with his
brother, what would their sibling love be like, how would our family's story be unfolding
with him in it...

I miss Liam exactly the same as I did on the day I pushed him into the world and waited for
him to die. My arms still ache to hold him. To feel the weight of his body against mine. To
smell him. To breathe him in. I still close my eyes at the end of a long day hoping to meet
him in my dreams. I imagine the longing for him will die with me.

The years go on and life pulls me forward, as it does. Most everything changes but one thing
remains the same and that is an important person is missing in our family. He will always be
missing. My greatest love, my greatest mystery in the whole universe, Liam, i'm so sorry you
aren't here with us.