August 6, 2017

six


Who would he have been at One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six?

What color would his eyes be, his hair, the sound of his voice, his laugh, what would his favorite book be, song, movie, superhero, what would his relationship be like with his brother, what would their sibling love be like, how would our family's story be unfolding with him in it...?

I miss Liam exactly the same as I did on the day I pushed him into the world and waited for him to die. My arms still ache to hold him, to feel the weight of his body against mine, to smell him, to breathe him in. I still close my eyes at the end of a long day hoping to meet him in my dreams.

I can only imagine the longing for him will die with me.

The years go on and life pulls me forward, as it does.

Most everything in life has changed but one thing remains the same: an important person is missing in our family and he will always be missing.

My greatest love and mystery in the whole universe: Liam, i'm so sorry you aren't here with us.